I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
