I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
