Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
