shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would ride that face into the sunset
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
