Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
