is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
