There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize