Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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