4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
