My room smells like vodka and shame
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
