3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
