ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
