both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
