Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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