Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
These tits shall not be calmed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
