Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
