yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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