Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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