i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
