I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
