I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
