and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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