i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
