Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
