We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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