i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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