Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
