I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just pee around me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
