3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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