I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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