its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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