i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
