you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
God, I missed his penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
