Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
