Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
