I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize