we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
