This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
