Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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