I can tuck mytits in my pants
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A+ Viking dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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