just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
