I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
