So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
