By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
