My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
