life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
