final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
