We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
