I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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