Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
