you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
