can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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