he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
