I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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