She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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