she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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