so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
