These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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