first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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