I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
