sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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