an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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