oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
