I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
