I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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