On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize