Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
