I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
