some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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